God Loves Brett Favre, Keeps Streak Intact

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In a startling turn of events, God intervened this weekend to ensure that Brett Favre's NFL record consecutive starts streak would remain intact. Favre injured his throwing shoulder during last week's contest and didn't practice throughout the week. His start streak in jeopardy, Peter King and John Madden turned to God for help.

While God was not available for comment on this, His day of rest, spokesangels related that the Lord is a huge NFL fan, and that a simple snowstorm was no big deal. Highly placed sources indicate that God was particularly pleased with the deflation of the Metrodome, which was never on the top ten list.

Recent news has the game moved to Detroit, where there will be no fans of either team, and likely no TV coverage in the event that Favre isn't ready to go.

Brian Wilson suspended for PEB use

The MLB Office of the Commisioner released a statement today that Brian Wilson, closer for the World Champion San Francision Giants would be suspended for the first 50 games of the 2011 season for Performance Enhancing Beard (PEB) use. Sources inside the office said that the investigation was underway for several months, but no other names have come up.

"After the appearance of the 'Fear the Beard' signs and other propaganda, we decided to take a deeper look," intoned T. Klin Tomentum, chairmen of the MLB gold ribbon commision on improper hair growth. "What we found was startling. Not only was the jet black color a dead giveaway that something was amiss, but the texture and density was unlike what any of the interns in our office were capable of." Tomentum added that baseball didn't need another scandal, and that he hopes this severe action would trim the growing phenomenon.

"Baseball has a proud tradition of facial hair, and of that we are proud," continued Tomentum. "Rollie Fingers, Al Hrabosky, Rick Aguilera, Johnny Damon, Roy Halladay, Carl Pavano... all of these fine men showed us the proper way to display and intimidate via their face plumage. A simple dab of wax, a scissors or even an electric trimmer are perfectly fine, but Rogaine and 'Just for Men'? There is the right way, and there is the wrong way to approach The Game."

Harvey Westmoreland could not be reached for comment after an especially plentiful post Movember feast.

Come on, G-Men!

For those of you who watched Fox's Sunday NFL 'Game of the week', you know that the game was suspended due to a somewhat mysterious power outage.  The Giants were struggling in the game, and had fallen behind the 1-7 Cowboys.  Thoughts immediately ran to skulduggery, as the old Giants Stadium was always at the center of rumors when it came to creative means of gaining a competitive advantage.  Primarily these had the stadium tunnel doors being opened when the opposing team was going to kick a field goal or run a two minute drill.

In this case, something more sinister seemed likely.

With the lights out, how hard would it have been for a fast young staffer to have slipped a little instant laxative or ipecac into the Cowboys' drink buckets?  Maybe even something to cause Kitna or the offensive line to... see things others didn't.  That would have been an entertaining second half!

Come on, G-Men - if you aren't going to play well - get creative!

Kovalchuk shows off super skills

or... how not to win a shootout.

Childress in a Favre Bromance

Following the Vikings overtime win against the Arizona Cardinals this week, Brad Childress, he of the uncertain job status, burst into song in praise of his man-crush on his quarterback.

Singing to the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' Brad gave us this little ditty:

As sung by Brad Childress (to the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance")
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad bromance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Broma-broma-mamaa!
Fav-ra-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad bromance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Broma-broma-mamaa!
Fa-ra-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad bromance

I want your gray hair
I want your sore joints
I want your whining
If you'll score some points
I want your Favre
(Favre-Favre-Favre I want your Favre)

I want your drama
The look of your stubble
I want your Wrangler-wrapped hips in the huddle
I want your Favre
Brett-Brett-Brett
I want your Favre
(Brett-Brett-Brett I want your Favre)

You know that I coach you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad, your bad bromance

I want your playing and
You then on the bench
You and me could write a bad bromance
(Oh-oh-oh--oh-oooh!)
I want your touchdowns and
Your interceptions
You and me could write a bad bromance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad bromance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad bromance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Broma-broma-mamaa!
Fa-ra-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad bromance

I want your horror
I want your design
'Cause you're a quarterback
As long as your mine
I want your Favre
(Brett-Brett-Brett I want your Fav-ruuhh)

I want your psycho
Your vicodin shtick
Want you in my locker room
Baby you're sick
I want your Favre
Brett-Brett-Brett
I want your Favre
(Brett-Brett-Brett I want your Favre)

You know that I want you
('Cause I'm a Viking baby!)
And you know that I need you
I want your bad, bad bromance

I want your touchdowns and
Your interceptions
You and me could write a bad bromance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!)
I want your deep throws
All your sacks once again
You and me could write a bad bromance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad bromance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad bromance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Broma-broma-mamaa!
Fa-ra-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad bromance

Walk, walk QB baby
Work it
Throw that football crazy

Walk, walk QB baby
Work it
Throw that football crazy

Walk, walk Bretty baby
Work it
Throw that football crazy

Walk, walk gunsling baby
Work it
Use your walker baby

I want your touchdowns and
Your interceptions
I want your quitting and
Your playing again

Je veux ton amour
I don't really speak French
Je veux ton amour
Please don't fumble again
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Crappy throws to Percy Harvin
(Caught in a bad bromance)
Oh God your interceptions
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Want your bad bromance
(Caught in a bad bromance)
Want your bad bromance!

I want your touchdowns and
Your interceptions
You and me could write a bad bromance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
I want quitting and
Your playing again
You and me could write a bad bromance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Want your bad bromance
(Caught in a bad bromance)
Want your bad bromance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh!
Want your bad bromance
(Caught in a bad bromance)

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Broma-broma-mamaa!
Fav-ra-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad bromance

No word from Favre yet if he feels the same.

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Welcome to The Sports Donnybrook, where the sports and the authors are unhinged. We'll have sports satire, ranting, and much more!